Topic of the day is Chinese food. I'll preface this by saying that while I'm not Chinese per se, I am about as close as one can get in terms of being familiar with the cuisine as I am after all a New York Jew. I don't know what it is about us and Chinese food but Jews and egg rolls go together like peanut butter and jelly. So, you can imagine my great disappointment when I find out that there is actually very little GOOD Chinese food in Hawaii. Here's my run down of the good, bad, and pitifully neutral:
1. Most Misrepresented - Legend Restaurant- I can get past the tanks of live lobsters and crabs in the dining room (I typically take the lobster tank as a cue not to eat at places, this feature needs to be phased out worldwide), I can get past the freakish napkins that are treated with waterproofing chemicals to render them annoyingly non-absorbent (I know because as always, we had a large water spill at our table), and I can even get past the Bar-Mitzvah-in-a-banquet-hall themed decor. The thing that bothered me though is that the food was so oily I could have opened a Jiffy Lube at our table. I literally wanted to stop at Queen's Hospital and have my stomach pumped, at least rolled one of those old-fashioned stone olive oil presses- on the way home. They also did that thing where they brought the rice to the table after we had eaten most of our other food so that was a bummer. However, I will say that the staff was EXCEEDINGLY nice and pleasant and accommodating to children AND there was a screaming freaking out toddler at another table who (thank you!) made my kids look well behaved despite Naor coming very close to realizing the afore mentioned lobster tank was LIDLESS.
2. Most Overhyped- PF Chang's- Ok, I will admit that the 3 story tall horse statue wearing a lei is awesome and the Terracotta Warrior type decor is cool (but NOT the hideous large chunky amber stones on rods by the bar that look like oversized Phyllis Diller jewelry). The food is 'OK' and that's my problem with it. If nobody made a big hype about the place I'd never mention it either way , but 'good' is so pushing it in describing the food. Slightly above neutral would be accurate.
I do give it props on the following: they give Wikistix to kids-those colorful wax sticks that bend into shapes and keep the kids entertained for about 5 minutes (which is 4 minutes and 38 seconds more than the crayons most places give do), they have desserts in shot glasses (albeit mediocre ones) but still, anyone who knows me knows that is my DREAM dessert, to have just a small amount of a bunch of different ones instead of one big gluttonous one.
BUT ok, what is up with the 'training menu' they have. Someone please explain it to me because despite having spent almost a decade of my life in college, I am perplexed which PR genius decided to corner the market on triathletes who go out for Chinese food but then need assistance as to what they should order that will work with their nutritional needs during training season. It also makes the already cluttered menu look even more exhausting to read. Also, our waiter covered Naor's area on the table with saran wrap (I presume so he doesn't have to deal with rice cleanup duty after we left that does sucks) which Naor proceeded to pull right off the table and try to suffocate himself with by stretching it across his face, so that began an admittedly strained relationship with our server from the outset and only got worse from there.
3. Best Service, Best Food, Best Decor- Hands down, Little Village is the BEST Chinese place on the island. I even exempt them from my 'not eating at any place that hangs meat from hooks in the window' rule. (refer to above lobster tank scenario-same rule applies for hanging duck meat). EVERYONE that works there is so pleasant and efficient. They are sweet with kids (and a bonus is that I delivered a baby for one of the server's wives) and have a very family-friendly menu (I'm not talking about the arbitrary crinkle cut fries that are on there). They do not use MSG at all. One caveat, make a reservation. It is crowded, loud, and your car almost has to be L-shaped to squeeze in or out of the spots in their parking lot. Try to sit in the back area in the more private village home room. It is so pretty. My kids also love the bird sounds and butterflies on the ceiling.
SO there you have it. Any other suggestions, please let me know (and DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT say Happy Days Restaurant in Kaimuki because it is gross- I don't care what anyone says.
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